Laura: The Raw Details

1.     I lead an interesting and boring life.  

2.     I have the weirdest, strangest, out of the ordinary things happen to me and I have no explanation for it. 

3.     My body is literally falling apart and that has led to my life figuratively falling apart. 

4.     I am horrible with follow through. I have the best ideas for sweet things to do for others and then never do them!  I also love starting projects but either don’t finish them or don’t clean up after them.

5.     I love people and learning their stories and why they are like they are.

6.     I am by far the most selfish person I know.  That is probably why I am still single. I’m selfish with my time, my money, pretty much everything.  (Several people have told me that they feel this is not the case.  After living with my roommate who truly gives no thought to others, I can say that I do think about others very often.  I also like to do what I want, when I want which I was considering as being selfish but when I am doing what I want- which a lot of the time is doing stuff for others, then can you really consider that selfish?  I don't know.)

7.     It is unfathomable to me that Jesus died for somebody as messed up as me.  Crazy.  As grateful as I am for his grace and mercy I struggle with ever feeling worthy enough for him to even glance my way, much less die for me.

8.     I have no idea how people feed their families. At the end of the day I’m so worn out it is a feat to eat something other than cereal or pop-tarts for supper. (No lie, last week I had pop-tarts and popsicles for dinner three (yes, 3!) nights!  Pathetic!!  I’m totally risking developing diabetes with my laziness.

9.     Authenticity is the number one thing that I appreciate in people.  

10.   Being able to admit weakness is something I think almost everybody can improve in. Why do we try to hide our crap thinking that others don’t have their own crap also?  I’m drawn to people that can be vulnerable and admit their flaws, faults and challenges.

11.   I’m skinny. A big reason for this is that my body has a ridiculously high metabolism since my muscles have to work so much harder than normal to hold my body together since my joints are nonexistent.  I HATE it when people comment about my weight. Oh, you want to be skinny?  Well I want a body that functions properly and doesn’t cause me daily pain.  Be grateful your body works regardless of what size you are.

12.   I spent way too much time and energy trying to be popular in high school.  I never was. I was always a wannabe that missed out on a lot of good friendships I might have had if I wasn’t so concerned with popularity.  Once I found my identity in Christ I could care less about popularity but have almost gone in the opposite extreme where I should care more about what people think.

13.   I absolutely love dance movies even though I’m a horrible dancer.  Atrocious!  I am eternally grateful for the friends that get out on the dance floor with me at clubs or wedding receptions.  It’s totally embarrassing but SO MUCH FUN!

14.   I sometimes feel like I love friends and family more than they love me.  At the same time I sometimes feel like my friends and family must love me more since they put up with me and all of my mess.

15.   I am good at seeing potential in people and seeing what they can be and get frustrated when they don’t rise up to their potential.  This totally sets me up for unrealistic expectations.

16.   Ironically even though I see people’s potential I tend to think the worst about people or situations.  I hate being a Negative Nancy and it is the number one thing I would change in myself if I were able.

17.   I tend to be overly sarcastic.  Seriously, no kidding.

18.   I’m not sure I’m ever going to get married.  I’m very content in my singleness and I struggle with respecting and trusting men.  I’m not sure where this comes from since I grew up watching my parent’s happy marriage but it is what it is.  If a spiritually strong, hot guy comes my way I might change my mind but I’m not holding my breath. 

19.   If you couldn’t tell from the last point I am somewhat cynical.  A Doctor Who episode had a qutote that totally applies: “If cynicism burned off calories we’d all be as thin as rakes.”

20.   When in a store, retail or grocery, and they are playing music then I MUST sing and dance along!  I once got caught doing the chicken dance in the grocery store. It actually led to a date. My friend Hannah got to experience this when they played the song from the Kevin Costner Robin Hood when we were in Whole Foods the other day.

21.   I have a record breaking number of awful first dates!!!!  Sometimes it had to do with the guy and sometimes it had to do with the circumstances. Regardless it is exhausting to go on these dates and know the exact moment when things start to go bad. Like when their mom calls to hear a play-by-play of the date or when they tell me they will keep their job if accused of rape but not domestic abuse or when I get punched in the head.

22.   I recently got diagnosed with lupus… maybe. My Knoxville doctor told me when I ran into him at church that my blood results turned up things that made him think I have lupus. I have some symptoms and not others. As scary as lupus is (which is pretty dang scary) it is not as big as deal as my joint disorder. But it works to make the joint disorder worse. Joy. Since I haven’t gotten a chance to meet with a doctor about it other than his passing comments when I saw him at church I won’t know for sure until I meet with a new doctor here in Nashville.  I’ve decided to nickname lupus Louie.  When I say, “Louie has been a pain in the rear,” you know I’m talking about lupus.

23.   I not very pretty without my makeup on. That is why you probably will never see me without makeup. I once met a roommate’s friend when I didn’t have makeup on and the next time I saw him, he introduced himself.

24.   I have been seriously blessed with amazing family and friends. I think that is a big way God has shown Himself to me. Through the amazing people He has brought into my life through the years. He gave me an angel on earth for a mom and knowing I didn’t have a sister brought me a great sister-in-law.  My brothers are great and it has been interesting to see how the way we relate to each other changes through the years. God showed his sense of humor in making me so much like my father, even down to the Ellison shaped head.

25.   As I learn to live this new life in my new city, I’m hoping to gain a new perspective.   I want to be one of those joyful people that exudes the love of Christ and that only comes from having peace and trust in God. I’ve been living with so much fear and anxiety over the future because of the physical pain I’ve experienced or will experience but I don’t want that to define me.  In an effort to change my focus I’m starting a yearlong journey of doing a good deed a day. I even found a journal that tells me what good deeds to do.  There are a few blank pages though so I’ll need suggestions on good deeds I should do.