Sorry for the word vomit!

Hello Hello! How goes it?  I survived the weekend but I am exhausted and a little on edge. I had a lot of fun this weekend. I started with dinner with friends and then got up bright and early for my glass fusing class on Saturday.  There were two teachers and six students (myself included).  For half of the day nobody was talking.  I tried to start some conversation and it went nowhere for a while but over a few hours people became more comfortable and by the end of the day I got to hear all about one woman’s struggle with her neighbor who tries to sell her 31 products, jewelry, etc. quite aggressively. It was a thrilling tale I assure you.

In the morning we started out by making coasters to get used to the process of cutting and breaking the glass. I have roughly 87 coasters so I certainly didn’t need 4 more so I did some for my mom for Mother’s Day. They had a lot of pretty blue colors that matches her house much better than my own.

I really liked a bowl on one of the teacher’s websites and wanted to do it in my colors so I did.  It will look like a plaid with red, yellow and green.  It will be see through in between the colors so I’m hoping when the light catches it that it will be pretty cool. I laid out all of the strips and they will fire it in the kiln so that the glass becomes liquid and reduces to one layer.  Then they will let it cool.  It will still be a flat disc at this point so they will fire it again (not as hot this time) while it is over a mold and the disc will fall into the mold taking on its shape. Mine will be a square shaped bowl.

One of the teachers was very good looking and I was impressed with how talented he was with his glass making skills. Given his sailor’s mouth I’m guessing we might not have similar religious views and that bums we out a bit.  Why is it that the guys I seem to connect with on a physical, intellectual, humorous level don’t share the same religious views? I guess this is just going to ensure that I will be extremely grateful if a guy with the whole package does come along.  

After the glass class I went to my church’s Saturday service for the first time.  I must say that I am homesick for my church in Knoxville. Not so much the single’s group but the preaching. Oh how I miss the humor, the theology, the challenging sermons, etc.  This church in Nashville also has so many services, and many of them are packed to the brim making it extremely packed and that makes it extremely difficult for a left-handed note taker to take notes!  I’ve been sitting on the front rows by myself to make sure I can sit on the left most seat without risk of being told to move in to make room for people.  Because of this going to church is rather quite lonely.  I could sit with people but I wouldn’t be able to take notes and that is the only way that I remember diddily squat.  A few weeks ago I decided to just stay at home and listen to one of my Knoxville pastor’s sermons on the Internet. That just made me even more homesick for that church.  The sermon dealt with tough stuff that many churches wouldn’t even touch but that is one of the reasons I love them. Actually at my Nashville church there was a guest speaker at the single’s group and he also talked about a similar subject.  He also laid out the gospel and one of my friends said that is the first time she has heard the gospel at the church in the three years she has been there.  I must say that sent up a warning flag for me. I know that no church is perfect but I do admit I am homesick.

That night I went to an 80s theme wedding shower. Some people complained that they didn’t have 80s outfits and so they opened it up for people to wear pajamas instead. Very random but people had a blast whether they were in PJs or neon colors with their hair crimped. I told the bride-to-be that I must be a true Nashvillian by now to be invited to weddings and showers.  

Since I did church on Saturday night I was able to sleep in (somewhat) and get up and do all of my bible study days for the week.  I didn’t have the time to do them during the week so I saved them to do all at once.  Better late than never.  I finished all by one before I met a friend for brunch and a movie. This is one of my sweetest friendships that I cherish so much.  She used to live in Knoxville and we were in a bible study at the church there that I miss so much. I have known her for several years and I love her authenticity and her voraciousness to go after whatever it is she is striving after at the moment. She is always in the know as well.  When I first moved here she was able to tell me about all of these different places to go to and things to do and see. She helped to make my transition a smooth one and I am very grateful for that.  She is extremely busy with school work but we try to get together when we can and we were able to get together to have brunch and watch Zero Dark Thirty together. The movie involved more violence and torture than I expected but it was well done.  I have a lot of respect and awe that the female CIA agent stuck with her guns so adamantly that you could almost single handedly credit her for the killing of Osama Bin Laden.   Her tenacity and unwillingness to drop her obsession reminded me of the widow that kept hounding the judge in the bible.  When we walked into the theater it was extremely dark and it was hard to see where to go and they put the walkway to a level of stairs in the middle of a set of stairs. So I stepped up on the stair not knowing that the walkway was not on the same level and I totally fell. I hit my knee really hard on the plastic cup holder and my hip/thigh on something, maybe an arm rest. I fell into a seat and was just trying to get over the pain as my friend looked on.  A bruise hasn’t shown up yet but there is a big knot there and I’m sure it will look nasty once it arrives.

I shared my testimony at bible study and I must say that it was very hard to follow. I wrote down notes but couldn’t get my mind to focus and I was all emotional because I am PMSing and just saw that emotional movie and … it… was … a … mess. Goodness grief. I feel like apologizing. Sorry for my mess of a story that I guess mimics my life in a sense. I feel like saying, “Sorry for my word vomit, please don’t judge me.”

Authenticity and Creepiness

I have two very busy weeks ahead of me. I have something every night. I’m not complaining since most of it is fun stuff but I am somebody that needs a good bit of down time to regroup between events. On Tuesday I went to a women’s meeting for my church for people that live in my area.  It was a great time to meet women of different generations and in different life stages.  I invited a girl from bible study to come and I arrived first. When I walked in there was a giant painting of a close up o Jesus’ face over the mantle.  I texted my friend, “Holy Jesus! That is what you will think when you see the mantle.”  We laughed about it when she got there. I love Jesus, don’t get my wrong, but to literally have him staring at me while laying on the couch or watching Revenge feels a little creepy. An older lady shared her story and it was the first time she had opened up and shared fully some of the things that happened in her past. It was great that she was finally able to be authentic after being caught in a self imposed prison of solitude and shame.  I wonder why some people have such a hard time being authentic. Do they fear people turning their back? If somebody doesn’t like me, the real me, then why would I want them to like a fake me? It was powerful to see her open up and see so many women come around her and love her and pray over her.

Tonight I went to my first meetup.com event which was a book club.  It was such a blast! There were six of us and we discussed the book Brooklyn, which nobody really loved. Nobody hated it but nobody loved it either.  It was great to discuss books with so many women of such different backgrounds.  That is one of the things I love so much about books- they are a great bonding instrument that can give people that have nothing in common something to talk about.

I am going in search of a fake engagement ring after several sleazy guys have hit on me at the library.  I’m not sure what vibe I’m sending out that is bringing all the boys to the yard but I wish they would leave me alone. There was one guy that I was somewhat hopeful about until I saw some inappropriate comments he made on Facebook and then today he showed me a YouTube video of a song he described as a “crude, Christian song.”   Umm, no.  It was a song about there being a loop hole in God’s rule about sexual purity. What is it, you ask?  Well that would be anal sex.  It was done in a humorous, tongue in cheek, quirky song but it was still foul.  I swear I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried. This guy seemed like a quality, positive guy and then boom! I don’t even know what to do about it.  I mentioned it to a co-worker without saying who it was and she asked if I told my boss.  I didn’t but I’m wondering if I should.  How would he ever think that was appropriate to show me and at work no less.  I quickly got away but I am not sure how I’m going to handle him from now on.  Gross. My skin crawls each time I think about it.

I have church tomorrow night, dinner with friends the night after, a class on Saturday where I am going to make my own glass bowl (I'm super pumped about this!!!), church and then a 80s themed shower Saturday night, on Sunday I am celebrating my friend's birthday with lunch and a movie and then I have Bible Study that night where I am sharing my testimony.  Let's pray that my authenticity shines through and that I can set a tone of openness and trust among the girls in the group.  

God's Love Through Friendships

Okay, so for the first day I’ve had off of work in two weeks and I didn’t sleep in. I got up at 6 to get on the road early enough to make it to Knoxville to get to an oil change appointment. When I bought my car I got a package where I could get all my maintenance work done at the dealer for free. Well I’m sure I am paying for it in another way but I don’t have a bill when I get it done.   This is a pretty nice deal but not when you move away.  A couple of weeks ago I received a call from Ford saying that there was an update for my computer system and I needed to go in to a dealer and have that done so I wanted to kill two birds with one stone. So off to Knoxville I go! 

Actually I could have put this off for a while but it ended up being a good weekend to see friends (with the exception of one being out of town).  I have two married friends whose birthdays are just one day apart and I was able to go out to dinner to celebrate with them.  I have a good friend that loves to provide commentary on shows and movies about as much as I do and I think we are both hilarious so we have an enthusiastically entertaining time together. We watched the fifth season of Dexter together when I lived here and my parents came up for a football game that weekend.  They didn’t watch the show with us but got a kick out of watching us watch the show.  Neither of us like scary things and watching a show about a serial killer can lead to some ridiculous moments.  This season wasn’t scary so much as it was awkward. We talked during the awkward parts to distract us from Deb falling in love with Dexter, her brother…..ewwww.  Yes, he was adopted but still, gross.

Overall it was a great weekend and I enjoyed the time I got to spend with friends, even though I only got to see a few of them. It has made me so extremely grateful to God for the amazing people He has brought into my life.  On Friday before I left I went out to dinner with some of my new friends here in Nashville and I felt so incredibly happy to have met amazing women in such a short time here. 

Just another first date...

So one of these days I will actually write about my horrific first dates that I have had but it is extremely past my bedtime and I don't have the energy to do it this moment. I did however want to share a quote from a date that I had this last weekend.

Him:  What movies did you watch in 2012? 

Me: I think one of the first ones that I watched was pretty graphic, it was the American version of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

Him: It wasn't that graphic. 

 Me: You didn't think the running kick to the metal pipe up the guy's anus was graphic? 

 

 Him:  Well it was somewhat bad for that one scene but the movie as a whole wasn't as graphic as it could have been or as bad as some other movies I've seen. 

At this point I'm just thinking "wow I don't want to know what kind of movies you've seen," and "why would you admit to watching movies more graphic than TGWTDT on a first date" and "this is the most interesting part of an extremely boring date."  

I almost fell asleep... both figuratively and literally.  The guy was a nice guy but the conversation wasn't too terribly interesting and I certainly never laughed... the. entire. night. He didn't even offer to pick me up and he didn't even walk me to my car at the end of the night.  There was a lack of flirtation and he walked five feet in front of me the whole night. I was starting to do the head bob at the Symphony because it had been a rough week with too little sleep and too much work.  Right now I'm 10 days into 13 straight days of work.  I'm debating staying in my PJs all day on Saturday to celebrate my first day off.  Maybe while I'm in those PJs I will share about my other dates.

Too Little, Too Much

Sorry friends for taking so long to write another post.  Things have been a bit on the crazy side lately with the things I have allowed on my plate.  I wouldn't say that I have an issue with overcommitting, at least not to events but when it comes to wanting to do things for other people then I easily overcommit and end up sometimes failing miserably.  For Christmas I did many handmade things. The quilt that I have been working on for my dad has been quite a feat and a giant time consumer.  I would say that I have easily put 50-100 hours into the project so far and it isn't even complete.  Once it is complete I will do a post specifically walking through the steps but this is what it looks like so far:

In addition to the quilt I made scrapbook calendars for my mom and sister-in-law, made canvases with family pictures for my parents, brother and sister-in-law and my other brother.  I framed a friend's wedding program with this neat lace like background for part of her gift.  So I have been busy.  I feel as though all of my energy, time and resources have gone into making these gifts.  I love doing gifts like these for friends.  I sometimes wonder if they would rather have a store bought gift but they seem to like the personalized gifts so until they ask me to stop I guess I will keep doing them.  I will say that when you work on a gift for somebody it gets you thinking about that person and your relationship with them.  I did have somewhat of an epiphany when I realized that one of my love languages was gifts and that I truly cherish giving gifts that fit the personalities of the people that I give them to.  I honestly get offended if somebody gets me a gift that SO does not fit my personality.  It isn't that I'm not grateful; it is simply that I feel a distance in the relationship if they know me so little.  I also hate when people spend money poorly so I also hate the fact that money was spent on these gifts.  When a family member wanted me to go shopping with them, ahem,  I mean shopping for them so they wouldn't have to put any effort into thinking what to buy I truly got mad at the apathy.  I refused to do it. I think they should make an effort but maybe to them bringing me along was the effort they were making.  Gifts are clearly not their love language so should I hold them to the same standard that I have for myself?  Probably not but I also don't want to just let them get by with their apathy and be a crutch for them and prevent them from putting forth some effort and thought into their gifts for others.  I also realize that I can't always hold people to my standards which makes me sad because I feel like my standards are great... but if I were completely honest they are also exhausting and very hard to live up to.   

I spent way too much time on some people's gifts and way too little time on other people's gifts.  Sadly, I ran out of time to really spend on making or shopping for gifts for some people that I really wish I could have.  I'm talking about close friends that I cherish dearly.  I really messed up my priorities in terms of investing my time and energy on gifts based on my endearment for the gift recipient.  I totally dropped the ball with one of my brother's gifts.  I was at a loss for what to get him, he wouldn't give me any hints or ideas, so I made up a list of different ideas for gifts and he picked the lamest thing on the list: a shower curtain.  You might be wondering why I had that on my list to begin with but it is because he recently took over my condo and even though he was using the master bedroom he wasn't using the master bathroom.  He was walking across the hall and using the guest/hall bath and for the life of me I couldn't figure out why.  Then my mom mentioned that it might be because of my bathroom still being extremely feminine.  So new bathroom stuff was on the list and that is what he chose.  That put me in a weird position because I had to get a curtain that was manly but could also be presentable enough for when I put the condo on the market (whenever that might be).  This led to me being the giver of one of those presents that I hate. One that doesn't match the personality at all.  This brother is an excellent gift giver which made me feel even worse for giving such a crappy gift to him.  I also didn't want to get him another gift on top of it because that would have been too much and well boo.  Boo on the stupid shower curtain and boo on me for even putting it on the list.  

In terms of my Doing Good Deeds theme I will say that I haven't totally dropped the ball on that but that I have deviated from the book a bit.  My focus lately has been on the homeless population.  I am surrounded by them at work and in the area around my work.  One comes into my office often and I have really tried to foster a friendship with him.  I asked him his name one day and since then he comes in to chat often.  He even brought me a Christmas card.  He also gave me his phone number. (Bow chicka bow wow!)  The group at church I'm slowly getting plugged into made grocery bags to give out to the homeless.  They had band-aids, water, fruit cups, granola bars, etc. in them and I gave mine out during my lunch breaks.  One day I walked up to a man and lady and gave them a bag each.  They both thanked me and the lady said, "You look great!" like somebody would say to somebody they went to high school with but hadn't seen in years and they had lost weight.  I told her she did too.  Then the guy told me that I had great legs.  I was wearing a sweater dress and tall boots so from the 5 inches of legs he could see he thought they were great.  I thanked him for his compliment but really I don't think that anybody has great knees and that is pretty much all he could see so I question his judgement but hey, as a single lady I take compliments where I can get them. I then went to a local church's annual waffle lunch to benefit the homeless.  I was by myself and met another lady by herself.  She was older than me but also single and we had a lot in common.  She told me about some cheap classes that she has taken around the area in topics like fencing and ceramics.  I will need to look into those classes because me with a sword sounds like a great idea!!  Anyways, back to the homeless people, I've been trying to keep my eyes out for ways to serve.  I got a free pastry the other day from Panera and I tried to give it to a homeless man on the way back to the office after lunch but sadly he was allergic to nuts.  I told him I didn't want to kill him and gave him an apple that I had on me instead.  I've also bought several of the homeless papers that they sell as a way to make an income.   

I'll share with you a funny conversation I had when at home.  I typically share these as Facebook statuses and need to get in the habit of doing so on here so then I would be a bit more regular with my posts.  While I was talking to my parents about my grandmother (who we call Mur or Grandmur) and how she has completely lost her memory my dad then says clear out of the blue, "I want to be shot by a jealous husband."  I just have a confused look on my face trying to compute the statement when my mom says, "He says this at parties."  I finally stammer out, "But why?  And I'm hoping mom is dead before  you start hitting on women in a way that makes their husbands jealous."  He couldn't really explain it, I think he just thinks it is a fun way to die and after watching his mom lose her mind over the last 8 years he wants something faster than Alzheimers to do him in.  On a side note, while visiting Mur my mom asked her who my dad was and Mur said, "Well that's my.... "  She obviously didn't feel confident enough to say a name but we think she might have confused my dad for my grandfather with all the winking and clicking of the tongue.  

Oh and another funny thing that happened was after we had our Christmas meal my parents were trying to move Mur back to the living room and she got sick to her stomach.  She started to throw up and the heaving action caused an eruption out the backside that left even her socks soiled.  They quickly moved her to the hall bathroom but the lights were not working.  A breaker was broken and they would not turn back on.  My mom then yells for me to get everybody out of the house so they can open the door.  The smell was horrendous.  I don't know how my mom handled being in the room with the smell in the dark with the door closed.  My brother's family was slowly making its way out the door when I yelled, "You need to leave, you need to leave NOW!  Run!! Save yourselves!!"  They got out in record pace and my mom asked me to come into the bathroom to help.  It took a few attempts to even make it past the door because the smell was just so overwhelming.  Once I was inside I was laughing at the situation (I'm a 5th grader when laughing about bathroom incidents, I admit it.) and the laughing turned to coughing and because the smell was so bad it turned to heaving and I thought my throw up was going to join the mix of bodily fluids already in abundance in that small 4'x4' room.  At one point I called out to my father to light some candles, STAT!  Thankfully my mom bought Mur some new clothes for Christmas and we got her cleaned up.  It was traumatic for her though and it was abundantly clear that she can't handle coming out to the house for holidays anymore. So this Christmas was the last one with Mur coming out to the house to celebrate.  We will visit her in the nursing home but it won't be the same without her.  

Inconsistency

I wish that I was one of those people that was totally consistent in terms of daily activities.  I wish that I consistently ironed my clothes the night before work so I wouldn’t have to rush in the morning but this rarely happens.  I wish that I consistently spent time in the Word but that has been a giant struggle lately. I also wish that I followed a handy dandy weekly cleaning schedule and that my home was consistently clean but alas that never happens.  I did pin one though so I might give it a go.  All of this is to say that I have not been consistent with my Good Deed a day since my last entry.  I have had parents in town, I’ve been travelling for weddings, I’ve been planning out the quilt for my father.  I’ve just been busy and haven’t been able to keep up with the blog or the deeds for the blog every single day.  This is what I do have. 

So in spring I signed up for a Groupon type deal where for one low price I was able to take a gun safety course, the conceal carry permit class and get a year's membership to the shooting range.  A friend and I both signed up for it.  The only other time I shot a gun was with a guy friend and the shell bounced off the wall and went down my shirt.  I was wearing a tank top with a shelf bra and the ridiculously hot shell got stuck in between my boobs and so I slam the gun down, thankfully not shooting anybody in the process and got the shell out.  I ended up with a blister on my chest that scabbed and pealed.  I swear these types of things only happen to me.  Well I wanted to get more comfortable with a gun so I signed up for the classes and I got my carry permit.  I haven't bought a gun yet and I'm not sure if I ever will but it doesn't hurt to have a permit.  I had actually taken the class and wasn't sure about applying for the permit until I talked to my future roommate and she talked about seeing some cheap condos for rent near the river.  I said that I had also seen them but my boss said they were in a bad part of town and the bars on the parking garage were there for a reason.  My roommate then responded with, "I love witnessing to homeless people so I would love that!"  The very next day I went to get my carry permit.  Since I was rushed in terms of time and getting this done before I moved I didn't really put much time and effort into my appearance since I didn't think anybody would ever see my permit since I wasn't sure if I would buy a gun.   I tell you all of this because when I changed my address for my driver's license it said that since I was within so many months from needing a new license (good ole 30th birthday coming up) that I could get a new renewed license and wouldn't have to get a new one for my birthday.  I'm thinking this is awesome!  Not only is it convenient but I can keep my cute young picture on my license and won't have to go go down to the DMV and wait forever and take a new pic! Sweet deal!  Well imagine my disappointment when my new license shows up with my conceal carry picture!!  My hair isn't even curled?!?  Such a disappointment.  So pissed off.  This makes me want to dye my hair again, grow out my bangs, get rid of my adam's apple (good greif, I hate that about my appearance) and contact somebody about getting a new picture.  Anyways, this long explantation is to show that the heart on my license shows that I am an organ donor. 

 












While in the elevator I hear a click, click, click on the floor and hold the door open for whoever is rushing towards me in heels.  Once she got in the elevator she said she should nickname them her "please hold the elevator shoes."

I have been running out of steam at night recently.  Last Wednesday night I reached a point where I just couldn't do anything else and climbed into bed at 10.  This meant that I had to pack, bake chocolate pies and load the car all on Thursday morning which put me way behind schedule but I just couldn't bring myself to do it on Wednesday night. The same thing happened last night.  After driving back from Thanksgiving with part of the family in east Tennessee I unloaded the car, took a bath and then crashed.  I was in bed at 9:30.  Why can't this happen during the week when I have to work early the next day?  I slept until 10 this morning and I just felt out of sorts.  I was sneezy and sleepy and honestly didn't want to become like any of the other drawfs so I decided to stay in and be lazy for the first day in months. 

Goodreads.com is a great place to organize your books.  I love seeing all of the ones I have read and I enjoy keeping track of the ones I want to read.  I was suffering through a book that several people told me was amazing.  It was slow and painful torture.  I went on goodreads and I found a review of the book that totally matched how I felt.   I finally stopped listening to the audio on disc 7 out of 9.  It was so horrible that I couldn't make it through the remaining 2 hours of listening.  Life is too short for 2 hours of listening to a bad book.  Just be careful because some of the reviews give away spoilers. 

So I was texting with a friend and they asked me how the football game was over the weekend and I said that I went to the last Twilight movie instead.  He responded with, "I wonder which one was more painful to watch."  I don't get comments like these.  Obviously I went to see a movie that I liked so why act like it was a painful experience.  I totally went off on him.  Total over reaction.  We thankfully have the type of relationship where he calming told me it was an over reaction and then proceeded to say that I should take him and his personality into consideration and that he should have just asked me how I liked the movie instead of wording it the way he had.  I totally felt convicted and apologized.  He isn't snarky and sarcastic (gee, I wonder who might have projected her own personality onto his comments... nope, can't think of anyone, nobody comes to mind...) and I never should have even assumed that is how his comment was meant.  

I've had a birthday calendar for a while but honestly my life has been so transitional this last decade I haven't done a great job keeping up with it.  I have some family members in pen but have most other people in pencil.  Honestly so many people move or get married and disappear that it is hard to use pen on everybody.  You know you've made it into the inner circle of my life if you get penned into my birthday calendar. 

My Thanksgiving was spent in a restaurant and I felt so bad about taking the waitress and the rest of the staff away from their families but also very grateful to have a place to go so that I didn't have to cook a full meal for me and my brother.  Whenever UT plays we don't get a typical Thanksgiving and have to fend for ourselves.  We have gone to Shoney's and Riverside Tavern in the past.  I like Cracker Barrel the most though and was very happy they were open.  We then went to see Skyfall and may I just say how much I love Daniel Craig as Bond, James Bond.  Hello blue eyes!  

Ever been next to somebody that can't stop sneezing?  That was my mom when her and my dad were in town and we went out for a nice dinner and then on to see a play. She sneezed her head off at dinner but thankfully it calmed down before we went to go see White Christmas at Tennessee Performing Arts Center.  It was fabulous!  Very well done play!  Thankfully my parents are awesome sports and posed in the cardboard cut out board.  This was one of the pictures used for their Christmas card this year.  My dad doesn't know this. Hee hee.  I took a picture for a couple after my parents and the guy was a short guy and could barely fit his head in the hole.  It was so sad.  He almost knocked the board over reaching on his tip toes.  Poor little fella.  On the way out of the theater while walking on the sidewalk somebody let out a fart of all farts and mom and I just looked at each other at the same time and couldn't stop laughing.  We were giddy.  It was ridiculous.  

I do hope that you all had a great Thanksgiving with friends and family.  I had a great time with my family.  My brother is truly one of the most insightful and considerate people I know and I stayed with him in my old condo.  He had gotten milk for me knowing that I eat cereal in the morning which is just so sweet.  One night the parents, the brother and I watched How to Train a Dragon and just had a fun time with each other and laughing about things on the internet and life.  Good times.